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The leafy Bird type (Edited)

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elementalpenguin

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Posts: 2712

Mar 15 10 2:06 PM

Pokémon Factory Worker

Although it's a good concept, I believe we already have two leafy birds - Florabin and Florabloom. I'm a bit confused about the "feet don't touch the ground" part as well, could you explain that? "Training always needed" seems a bit out of place too, and "Hawkee" Doesn't really make me think of tree. It seems like a pet name. Also, the staff won't edit your picture for you if they do concept art - they'll do a new one entirely.

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Crys: Chrysice lvl 10, female
Powder Snow
Supersonic

Harden

Sargon: Nidoran Male, lvl 8
Leer
Peck

PARTNERS: Xer0 (Romulus)

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Flarsable

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Suggestions Board Regular

Posts: 8827

Mar 15 10 4:33 PM

You need to change its ability. Yes, Levitate fits, but it's already a Flying type. You might as well give it the No Ability shown on the Abilities page (that no one has yet). Sorry if that sounded harsh.

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ZeldaFan

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Posts: 922

Mar 15 10 4:48 PM

Maybe its ability could be Chlorophyll? And it could have a few more moves, like maybe Razor Leaf, Synthesis, or Featherdance?

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empireomega

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Posts: 1682

Mar 16 10 11:07 AM

Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, to another session of "Why My Little Brother Annoys Me."

paperypaper

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Posts: 353

Mar 16 10 3:30 PM

I just edited it. Is it any better?

Welcome to my Xtra Short Desc! I am Paperypaper! My favorite sprite is a Ho-oh sprite I made!

Brawl card

Also, don't forget to take care of my eggs. Mostly the Houndour one. I will level up yours in return! (Not on Thursdays)

GAME OVER YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

elementalpenguin

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Posts: 2712

Mar 16 10 6:57 PM

Pokémon Factory Worker

The first dex still seems like a bit of unnecessary explanation, and it's worded a bit awkwardly. Much better though. I like the new evo name as well.

RPG
Crys: Chrysice lvl 10, female
Powder Snow
Supersonic

Harden

Sargon: Nidoran Male, lvl 8
Leer
Peck

PARTNERS: Xer0 (Romulus)

sovereignofsilence667

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Suggestions Board Regular

Posts: 2344

Mar 16 10 9:06 PM

Dex data is worded awkwardly and doesn't really tell us much about the actual Pokemon ("Maple leaves are weak so he can't walk" is quite out of place in a Dex). And the evolution method is somewhat off as well (Leafeon, Glaceon, Probopass, and Magnezone are so far the only Pokemon allowed to have a region-specific evolution method). Perhaps just using the Leaf Stone, or if you need that extra touch using it in a forest in Bombur (I'm partial to the Pagan Forest, but whatevs)?

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paperypaper

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Posts: 353

Mar 17 10 12:52 PM

*pants* Is this FINALLY good?

Welcome to my Xtra Short Desc! I am Paperypaper! My favorite sprite is a Ho-oh sprite I made!

Brawl card

Also, don't forget to take care of my eggs. Mostly the Houndour one. I will level up yours in return! (Not on Thursdays)

GAME OVER YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

sovereignofsilence667

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Suggestions Board Regular

Posts: 2344

Mar 17 10 1:16 PM

Needs more moves and no "s/he" and/or "his/her" in the Dex (always use "it" and "its"). Other than that, its coming along swimmingly.

^ Please to be Clicking mah Babies! I'm trying to fill out the various Regional Dexes. YAY FOR HOURS AND HOURS OF LABOR!

And also, maybe, you could check out my newest project? Remember: Read and Review! Thank you!
A Summoner's Sacrifice: A Final Fantasy X Prequel Fic

paperypaper

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Suggestions Board Regular

Posts: 353

Mar 17 10 2:44 PM

Is it good yet? ... Please?

Welcome to my Xtra Short Desc! I am Paperypaper! My favorite sprite is a Ho-oh sprite I made!

Brawl card

Also, don't forget to take care of my eggs. Mostly the Houndour one. I will level up yours in return! (Not on Thursdays)

GAME OVER YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

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Flarsable

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Suggestions Board Regular

Posts: 8827

Mar 17 10 3:21 PM

Yes, but why can't it touch the ground?

Award for Extreme Patience
Always hotter than the competition. I got the award for Braving the Marquee of Doom!

paperypaper

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Suggestions Board Regular

Posts: 353

Mar 19 10 1:14 PM

*slaps face*
Edit: I underlined the answer... and next time don't forget to READ MORE!

Welcome to my Xtra Short Desc! I am Paperypaper! My favorite sprite is a Ho-oh sprite I made!

Brawl card

Also, don't forget to take care of my eggs. Mostly the Houndour one. I will level up yours in return! (Not on Thursdays)

GAME OVER YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Last Edited By: paperypaper Mar 19 10 1:19 PM. Edited 3 times.

elementalpenguin

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Posts: 2712

Mar 19 10 2:23 PM

Pokémon Factory Worker

You don't "touch the sky." It's not a tangible thing.

RPG
Crys: Chrysice lvl 10, female
Powder Snow
Supersonic

Harden

Sargon: Nidoran Male, lvl 8
Leer
Peck

PARTNERS: Xer0 (Romulus)

Flarsable

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Suggestions Board Regular

Posts: 8827

Mar 19 10 2:44 PM

And maple leaves are capableof touching the ground.

Award for Extreme Patience
Always hotter than the competition. I got the award for Braving the Marquee of Doom!

paperypaper

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Suggestions Board Regular

Posts: 353

Mar 20 10 9:10 AM

Now?

Welcome to my Xtra Short Desc! I am Paperypaper! My favorite sprite is a Ho-oh sprite I made!

Brawl card

Also, don't forget to take care of my eggs. Mostly the Houndour one. I will level up yours in return! (Not on Thursdays)

GAME OVER YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Last Edited By: paperypaper Mar 24 10 1:35 PM. Edited 1 times.

paperypaper

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Suggestions Board Regular

Posts: 353

Mar 24 10 1:35 PM

... Anyone?

Welcome to my Xtra Short Desc! I am Paperypaper! My favorite sprite is a Ho-oh sprite I made!

Brawl card

Also, don't forget to take care of my eggs. Mostly the Houndour one. I will level up yours in return! (Not on Thursdays)

GAME OVER YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!

Gelatop

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Posts: 2573

Mar 24 10 2:23 PM

Suggestions Board Regular

I'm sorry, paper, but this seems way too much like Florabin and Florabloom. Sorry.

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Squirrelay

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Posts: 1472

Mar 25 10 1:45 PM

Pokémon Factory Worker

It makes perfect sense why a pokemon who is incapable of walking would dislike touching the ground. I understand your frustration paperypaper, my first suggestion didn't go without some criticism either.

Coolsteph

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Suggestions Board Regular

Posts: 1553

Mar 25 10 2:01 PM

A possible revision for your Pokédex descriptions (removed odd capitalization, reworded statements, and fixed improper punctuation):

Diamond:
It can only barely fly. If it touches the ground, gravity pulls on the weak leaves of its feet so it can't walk.
Pearl:
It can barely fly because it has leaves for its wings. It always needs help flying from its mother.

Alternatively:

It can barely fly because the leaves of its wings are not aerodynamic. It always needs help flying from its mother.

I added an alternative possible revision because there does not seem much reason in automatically assuming the reader knows that leaves are not suitable for wings. Additionally, "gravity pulls on" seems worded oddly. Perhaps it is because the weak leaves crumple on rough contact with the ground, instead of implying gravity has specific issues with its feet?

Additionally...I found an similarity with Chireaf and the martlet. The martlet is a heraldic charge depicting a stylized bird with short tufts of feathers in the place of legs, and due to not having legs is unable to land (this being similar to Chireaf because Chireaf has difficulty moving if on the ground)

Last Edited By: Coolsteph Mar 25 10 2:47 PM. Edited 1 times.

Shining ShinE

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